If You Only Knew
by CRene
Summary: Lois tries to help Clark recover from a tragedy yet it seems to cause more friction between them then she planned. Set between Don't Tug on Superman's Cape and Ultra Woman in Season Three.
1. Chapter 1

If You Only Knew

By Carrie Rene (CRene)

Rated: PG13

Summary: Lois tries to help Clark recover from a tragedy yet it seems to cause more friction between them then she planned. Set between Don't Tug on Superman's Cape and Ultra Woman in Season Three.

Note: The title of this story comes from the song "If You Only Knew" by the band Shinedown. If you listen to the song and hear the lyrics you can understand where the characters might be coming from. I love using song titles for titles and listen to music while I write since it helps me concentrate and give me inspiration. Enjoy.

Thank you to folc4evernday for helping me with this story and beta-reading some of the chapters.

Disclaimer: The characters in this story are property of DC, December 3rd productions and Warner Bros. No Copyright infringement is intended. I have just borrowed the characters for a short time.

1/15

A crowd was gathering on the streets below the six story apartment buildings. Three fire trucks with over twenty men and women working were trying to put out the blazing fire. Some of the firemen and rescue squad were even dealing with heat exhaustion with the ambulance crews dealing with the rescued families and others in the crowd that were in need. Everyone was dealing with the sweltering heat this July summer night and there were still people trapped in the building. Screams could be heard from the people still trapped in the building. The families of those trapped kept trying to get back into the structure to rescue their loved ones. It was not safe for anymore of the fire department to go inside of the building since some of the top floors were beginning to collapse. The Metropolis Fire Department was need of a hero. They were in need of a man who was invincible. They were in need of Superman.

A large explosion happened just as a flash of blue and red flew by the crowd on the street. The crowd cheered as the superhero began to bring battered members of Metropolis out from the crumbled building. He worked as fast as he could, but even he wasn't fast enough to save them all.

Twenty minutes later the fire was out all of the injured were already on their way to the hospital. The few who did not make it out alive were put into coroner's van to be sent morgue to be identified. Superman was nowhere to be seen, once the last body was taken out of the condemned building he flew off without a word.

"How was it," she asked as she felt swoosh of air come inside his apartment. They were enjoying a quiet night with pizza and movie when he had heard the cries for help. He heard the silent alarm at Reed's Jewellers on one side of Metropolis and when he arrived two police vehicles were on scene with three burglars still inside of the jewellery store. The burglars started firing at the four police officers on scene. One police officer was shot in the shoulder and one burglar was dead by the time Superman flew onto the scene.

After the burglary Superman was off to the apartment building fire. Both rescues had drained him by seeing death and despair. He flew into his apartment with his shoulders shagging and his usual smile gone. Most of the time getting back to his apartment where his stunning girlfriend was would make him smile but tonight he just wanted to disappear.

"Are you okay," Lois asked standing up walking towards him as he came out from his room dressed in gym shorts and t-shirt. "I turned on the news when you left. I saw the apartment fire on the news. Do you want to talk?"

"No," Clark disclosed walking past her towards the couch and turning the movie back on. "I just want to get back to our movie."

"Clark, talking about it might help," she told him knowing full well that he was hurting inside from what he seen at that fire. The things he had to do, people he had to save, and those he couldn't save – she knew it got to him.

"Not tonight, Lois, please. Just come sit next to me, hold my hand, and watch the movie, and I will feel better in the morning," Clark explained knowing that being with her was his biggest strength.

"Okay, but remember that I am always here for you, no matter what you need, Clark. Please, don't ever forget that, we have been through too much for you to shut down on me now," Lois warned him having a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach the toughest was about to come.

"I love you," he whispered as he cupped her cheek like he had done so many times before and then kissed her. There were some things that Lois couldn't help him with, that he had to deal with on his own. Tonight was one of those things, getting to a scene to late to save the innocent, the young, and the elderly that was the hardest part. Who does Superman save first? And who saves Superman from himself?

It was twelve minutes after nine as Clark and Lois stepped into the elevator on the main floor of the Daily Planet. He had felt better this morning after watching the rest of the movie curled up with Lois on his couch. They didn't talk about his rescues or work; they just enjoyed their night together as a couple. It was one in the morning by the time the movie ended and any other night Lois would have drove home, but last night was different – Clark needed her. So she stayed with him, the perfect Boy Scout kissed her goodnight and just held her in his arms.

"I could wake up with you next to me for the rest of our lives," Clark said as the elevators closed taking her hand in his.

"How about next time I have something at your place to wear so we don't have to rush back to my place in the morning to get ready," Lois commented looking over at her farm boy from Smallville.

"So you're saying there will be a next time."

"If you're lucky farm boy," Lois stated reaching over kissing him before the doors to the elevator opened.

They stepped out of the elevator as the hustle and bustle of the most prestigious newspaper in Metropolis was working on the news stories from the past twenty-four hours. Lois walked down the ramp to her desk while Clark walked past her to his. Before either of them could even sit down their editor in chief came barrelling out of his office.

"I'm glad the two of you two decided to grace us with your presence," Perry declared looking as restless as ever. "There was an apartment fire last night on Fourth Avenue, Kent, I want you on it."

"Perry, let me, take that one," Lois interrupted knowing Clark did not need a reminder of last night's tragedy.

Before Clark could object to Lois trying to protect him, his phone began to ring at his desk.

"Daily Planet, Clark Kent, speaking," he answered. He sat down at desk listening to the person over the phone and Lois knew instantly that something was wrong. The look on Clark's face turned to horror, he wrote down some information as Lois walked over to him. She put her hand on his shoulder as he hung up the phone.

"What happened," Lois asked.

"My dad suffered a severe heart attack last night. He's at Smallville General that was one of the nurses on the phone, my mom hasn't left my dad since he was bought in," Clark explained reaching over to grab her hand that was resting on his shoulder. He couldn't believe it, while he was on a rescue in Metropolis he was needed more in Smallville. "What am I going to do now?"


	2. Chapter 2

2/15

Tick tock. Tick tock.

The second hand on Perry's collector's Elvis clocked moved at what felt like slow motion as Lois stood behind him, placing a supportive hand on his shoulder. Perry leaned back in his chair, looking at him in concern. Their voices echoed around him.

Tick tock. Tick tock.

Another minute had gone by. Another minute he could have already been closer to Smallville. Helping his mom.

"Take all the time you need, son," Perry said to the young man.

"I'm going with him, Perry," Lois interrupted squeezing his shoulder.

"No, I can handle it this alone," Clark intervened turning his head to look at Lois.

He had a lot to handle at the farm and he still had his Superman duties. He needed to help his mother mom also. He couldn't make the arrangements he needed to while trying to take care all of that and make sure Lois was comfortable in Smallville. Lois was never comfortable when they visited Smallville and he wasn't sure how long this trip was going to be. The Kent farm that had been in the family for centuries needed to be taken care of. It meant the world to his dad – he wasn't going to let him down. No, he would take over the farm, even if it meant giving up everything he loved here in Metropolis.

"Thank you, Chief, I'll keep you updated," Clark stated getting up from his chair and leaving the office.

Lois stood there for a second dumbfounded at what just happened. She couldn't believe that Clark didn't want her to come with him to Smallville. If it were one of her parents, he would be right beside her. He wouldn't leave her sight. After last nights tragedy Clark had been different. The apartment fire and now his father's heart attack... What else could the Man of Steel take? He needed to talk to someone, not shut her out.

"Chief, I would like to take the rest of the day, please," Lois begged. "I know Clark doesn't want me to go with him, but I really think he is making a mistake. He needs me."

"I don't disagree with you, Lois," Perry agreed shaking his head. "I'll expect you to be back in the morning unless you let me know otherwise. The two of you have earned enough vacation time as it is. Now get out of here and take care of him."

"Yes, Chief," Lois replied before rushing out of the office.

When she exited Perry's office Clark was already gone. She knew he wouldn't waste any time getting to Smallville, but she hoped he would have the decency to say goodbye to her first.

Lois was back at Clark's apartment knocking frantically on the door. She could see the light on his apartment and his shadow through the glass door.

"Clark, I know you are in there. I can see you. Let me in," Lois shouted knocking harder. "If you don't let me in, I will break the door down."

With those words, Clark walked up the stairs to the door opening it. He was standing there in blue jeans and t-shirt already out of his charcoal suit from earlier. Lois pushed past him marching into his loft. Clark closed the door and followed her down the stairs.

"Were you going to just leave without saying goodbye?" Lois asked turning around to confront him.

"Lois, they don't know if he is going to make it. Do you know how far the farm is from the nearest hospital – thirty miles? I could have gotten him to the hospital in minutes. Instead, I was at that apartment fire last night. All those people still died, while I was saving them... My dad needed me and I wasn't there." Clark clarified frustrated at the events of the previous night.

"Clark, I'm sorry," Lois whispered taking his hands in hers. "You tried your best last night, I know you did. You got there as fast as you could, just like the jewellery store. You can't be everywhere. You can't save everyone."

"Tell that to my mom. She hasn't left the hospital since dad was bought in. The nurse said she hasn't moved from dad's side."

"That is why you need me to come with you –" Lois pointed out, "and before you tell me no, let me tell you why it's a good idea. I can check in with your mom at the hospital make sure she is being taken care of and still help you at the farm."

"Lois, I know you mean well, and I love you for it, but please, just let me go. I need to do this by myself, first. I need to get things organized at the farm and see what needs to be done. Then I will come back for you in a couple of days if I need you."

Lois couldn't believe what she was hearing. He didn't want her to go with him. They were supposed to be in a relationship. They had even talked about marriage, he had proposed just a few weeks ago. Now he didn't want her with him when his dad was in the hospital after a major health crisis. She wasn't just hurt – she was heartbroken.

"Fine," Lois uttered. She didn't like it, but she was going along with it at the moment. "Please, call me with updates. Your parents have always been wonderful to me; they mean the world to me."

"I love you," Clark said cupping her cheek with his hand like just as he had done several countless times over the course of their relationship—more so since they started dating a few months ago. He stared into her eyes, seeing the vulnerability reflected back at him. He wanted to memorize this moment, knowing all too well it could their last.

"I love you, too," she replied reaching up to kiss him. Clark pulled her closer to him deepening the kiss, not knowing when he would see her again. This would be their goodbye, although Lois didn't know it.

The intensity behind the kiss surprised her… he was kissing her like he was never going to see her again and that scared her.

An hour later Clark landed behind the barn of his family home in Smallville as Superman. He could never fly to Smallville as Clark these days afraid that he would be seen, so it was always as Superman. He spun back into his jeans and t-shirt from earlier then walked through the yard towards the empty house.

He unlocked the back door entering through the kitchen. Instantly he saw the mess from the previous night, it looked like his dad suffered his heart attack right before dinner. His mom must have been cooking dinner when it happened and dad walked into the kitchen and collapsed.

There was IV wrappers, used gloves, and lead wrappers all over the yellow tile floor that the paramedics had used. The table had been moved and the chairs were pushed aside against the wall. Clark stood there for a couple of minutes taking in the scene before him. He wasn't sure what to do. Images of his dad on the floor and his mom crying next to him flashed through his mind.

"No," he pushed the image out as quickly as it came.

He moved around the kitchen finding his dad's coffee mug broken in half on the floor from where it fell. The smell of burnt chicken in the air. His mom never burned a dish a day of her life…

"NO! NO! NO…."

He couldn't seem to stop as he moved at super-speed frantically trying to put everything back in its place. Erasing the image of what had occurred here. He didn't want his mom to come home to this. When he had finished in the kitchen, he went back outside to feed the few cows and chickens they still had left.

Over a century ago, the Kent's had owned over a hundred acres. The farm had been handed down to the eldest living son generation after generation. Over the years his father had sold some of the acres because it was getting to difficult to handle all of the crops with it just being his mom and dad on the farm. Clark was their only child – adopted child and he was never interested in staying in Smallville. His father never put that burden on Clark like other fathers would have or like his father, Hiram had.

Clark finished on the farm within record time then drove the 1980's red Dodge Ram pick-up to the hospital. He decided to drive because it had been months since he had taken the time to enjoy the scenery through Smallville. He needed time to think about his future if his father didn't make it and as much as it hurt, leaving Metropolis might be the answer. Leaving Metropolis meant leaving Lois and he wasn't sure if he could leave her behind.

He parked in the visitor's hospital parking lot, taking forty-five minutes to reach the hospital. Clark walked inside the front entrance recognizing some of the residents' of Smallville instantly. It wasn't that big of a town; everyone knew everyone, especially when your family lived in the town for centuries.

He got off the elevator on the second floor walking down the hallway down to his dad's room. He'd taken down his dad's room number when the nurse had called him this morning. He knew exactly where to go. When he got a few rooms away his super hearing picked up some unmistakable voices.

"Martha, he hasn't showed up for his last three check-ups. And he hasn't refilled his medication in the past two months," Dr. Wilson, his dad's cardiologist, told his mom.

Clark listened to the conversation with his super-hearing, stepping aside of the hallway not to be in any one's way. He could not believe what he was hearing.

"If Jonathan had gotten to the hospital earlier, even fifteen minutes could have made the difference. As of right now, he is going to need bypass surgery and after a few days in the hospital he is going to have to take it easy," the doctor informed her.

"You don't know Jonathan very well," Martha stated. "The man doesn't take it easy."

"Take a vacation then or have Clark come back to Smallville," the doctor said.

"Clark has a life in Metropolis. I could never ask him to do that. He is happy for the first time in years. He has finally settled down. I won't do it. He even has a girlfriend there. For the first time, my son is in love, and I would never ask him to give her up. If I have to Jonathan and I will sell the few acres we have left of the farm and move into a smaller place or just keep the two acres the house sits on."

'Few acres?'

Clark couldn't believe what he had just heard.

'Sell the farm?'

No. He couldn't let that happen. He would do everything he could to make sure the family farm –his dad's legacy- stayed in the family. No matter what it took, he wouldn't let his family lose everything.


	3. Chapter 3

3/15

Lois sat on the couch with a pint of Double Fudge Brownie ice cream. It had been two days. Two days since he had left. Two days since she had last spoken to him. Two days since she'd felt his arms around her. Two days since she'd felt his lips against hers. Now she sat in his empty apartment eating ice cream and missing him. She had gotten his voicemail again. She'd been leaving messages for him since he'd left for Smallville. Four messages today, six the day before, and two the day he left. No returned calls. No messages. Nothing. He hadn't returned a single call in two days. The longer she went without talking to him the angrier she got.

Why wasn't he calling her back? Didn't he know she cared about the Kents too? She wanted to know how his dad was…his mom. She wanted to help. Sitting here, doing nothing wasn't something she was used to. The longer she sat, the more her anger festered until it slowly began to morph into fury at the situation…at him. Why wouldn't he let her go with him? Why was he shutting her out?

She turned the television station to find Lethal Weapon on and she flashbacked to the pizza and movie nights with Clark. As Mel Gibson's character jumped off the building with the man trying to commit suicide, the news cut in about a train derailment. Lois stood up dropping her ice cream as the newscaster announced that Superman was on the scene to help.

 _'_ _Of course, why wouldn't he be?'_

Superman. He is exactly where he is needed-but she needed him too. She didn't need Superman. Lois hadn't needed his help in a long time, who she needed was Clark. She needed him as much as he needed her—even if he was too stubborn to admit it at times. This was one of those times. She missed him. She wanted to feel the warmth of his arms around her, the feel of his lips on her skin, and his scent near her. Staying in his apartment was the one way for her to feel close to him.

She watched as the camera zoomed in on his face. He looked tired and weary. Her heart ached to be with him, wrap him in her arms and never let go.

"For hours, Superman has been working tirelessly alongside emergency crew members to free all the passengers that have been trapped going on four hours after the Metro Rail …."

Unable to watch any more she clicked the television off. Tears fell down her cheeks. It hurt. Seeing him like that and not being able to be there for him; hold him like she knew he needed—it hurt. He was here. He was home—but he wasn't. He was only here as Superman. Would he come back home? Was he going to stop by to see her? So many questions raced through her mind yet the one that shook her to the core wasn't really a question but a fact. He was in Metropolis. He was in Metropolis as Superman only. . Feeling the weight of the stress she'd been under emotionally begin to take its toll she headed for the bedroom after cleaning up the mess from earlier. She sighed in relief as she crawled in between the cozy flannel sheets of Clark's bed, taking in the familiar scent that still smelled like him. She soon fell into a restless sleep, unaware of the figure that had just landed on the balcony of his apartment.

Clark had spent the last three hours helping the emergency crew free all the passengers from the train derailment that evening. All he wanted was a quick shower, change of clothes, maybe a power nap, and then fly back to the farm before sunrise. He landed on the terrace of his apartment, and instantaneously knew she was there. Her steady heartbeat echoed in his eardrums. His hand tightened over the knob of his bedroom door. He knew without even using his x-ray vision she was asleep—in his bed. He wanted nothing more to crawl into bed next to her, but knew it would do more harm than good right now. It had taken everything in him not to fly back to Metropolis and take her in his arms for a few hours and forget his grief. But he couldn't. He couldn't do that to Lois.

He missed her. He missed her smile. He missed her voice. He missed the way she fit perfectly against him. Being near her was eating him alive. He had listened to her calls over and over again on his parents' machine. He had a feeling that not calling Lois back was worse than if he had called her back. It wasn't that he didn't want to. He just didn't know what to say. There were so many things he had to take care of. His dad's surgery had been scheduled. His mom was practically living at the hospital. He couldn't afford to worry about his needs right now. His family needed him.

Clark quickly shed his Superman suit leaving it on the laundry basket and flew to the shower in a flash. The power nap he had thought about taking would have to wait. Now in a pair of jeans and red t-shirt he kneeled down next to the bed watching the slumbering Lois. She looked so peaceful sleeping in his bed. His heart ached for her and what he was doing to her. They had been in a good place before all of this had happened – before the apartment fire before his dad's heart attack. It had taken them so long to be together, so many obstacles to be together and now this.

Clark swept a piece of Lois' hair out of her eyes and kissed her temple. "I love you, Lois," he whispered as she stirred in her sleep.

She could feel his eyes bare into her soul. As she walked by him feeling the sand between her toes, he grabbed her wrist pulling her into his lap. His lips captured hers before she could say anything to him.

The waves crushed over their bodies as his hands roamed over her body. He bit her bottom lip then used his tongue to lick the wound making her body react to his. She could feel the pool building in her body as his hands felt their way under her dress. He sat up so she could remove his shirt then he began to slowly undo each button of her dress revealing her ivory skin to him.

"I love you," He murmured against her lips.

His kisses, his touch. As she laid there beneath him, completely exposed she felt a warmth wash over her.

"I love you too," she replied. She could not believe this was happening. They'd waited so long. They needed this. They needed each other.

His hand moved to trace her face. His lips pressed against her temple. The sound of his voice echoed around her, "I love you Lois."

Lois slowly woke up. Her heart was racing. She could still feel Clark's arms around her, his lips on hers…Her surroundings slowly came into focus and she realized it had just been a dream. A really really good dream. "Oh, Clark,"

She reached over to turn the light on. A greasy blue and red suit hanging halfway out of the laundry basket caught her attention. She frowned when she realized he'd been there. He had been right there and—She sprung out of the bed and winced when she felt her stiff muscles protest. She placed her hand on her lower back, massaging the muscle as she walked around the apartment looking for him, "Clark?"

No answer.

She looked in the living room, seeing the blankets on the couch untouched she walked back into the bedroom. No sign of him.

The faint scent of his shampoo hit her nostrils. She looked toward the bathroom, following the scent to the shower stall. The brown ring around the drain and shampoo moved to the shelf told her he had at least stayed long enough to shower.

"He's gone." She muttered to herself. She walked over to the laundry basket, slamming the lid closed, "Clark Kent, you are not getting away from me that easily!" If he wouldn't stay in Metropolis she would do the only thing she could – go to Smallville.

It had been four hours since he had left Metropolis. He knew kissing her goodbye was wrong. He knew the moment he saw her sleeping form in his bed – he couldn't help himself though. He just wanted one more kiss – one more moment with her. Yet looking into her eyes would have been his undoing, he wouldn't have been able to leave. He would have climbed into bed with her and never let her go if she had woken up. It's why he left when she started stirring, he couldn't risk it.

'Sell the farm?'

He had to keep reminding himself about what he heard his mom tell Dr. Wilson. He hadn't been back to the hospital since that day. He had seen his mom only a couple of times since he had come back to Smallville. She had come home for a shower, a change of clothes, and to give him updates on his dad. Other than that they hadn't spoke about anything else especially the farm. His mom told him that dad's surgery would be the day after tomorrow.

Clark wanted to know how his dad was. It wasn't like he didn't care – he did. It was his dad – the ordinary man who taught him everything from how to fish to how to control his powers as they were developing during his adolescent years. His dad had taught him so much through the years and he didn't know what would happen if he lost him. The guilt over not being there when his dad had needed him most ate at him daily. He could have done something. He could have gotten him to the hospital sooner. He could have gotten a doctor to him sooner. All these gifts and he couldn't do anything to help the person that had helped shape the man he'd become because he was too busy in Metropolis saving _other_ peoples' lives.

He bailed the hay in the barn. The heat of the Midwest summer would get to anyone else, but not someone of Clark's ability. Flashes of Lois sleeping in his bed kept coming back to him. Why did she have to be at his apartment? In his bed of all places, the one place that he wanted to be with her. He knew why. She missed him. He missed her. Really missed her. The sound of her voice on the answering machine came back to him.

"So, I'm just calling…again to see how you're doing. How your dad's doing. I know your mom's probably in need of some support; someone to talk to – This has to be scary for all of you. Are you sure you don't need me to come out there? I can help. I can be on the next flight. Just say the word…Okay, I guess that's all. Just call me. Let me know everyone's okay? Love you."

Him not calling her back was getting to her. The more he thought about it the less appealing not talking to her was becoming. It wouldn't hurt to at least give her an update on his dad. If his mom heard that message she'd probably give him a piece of her mind for not calling Lois back.

He needed to call her.

He headed back toward the farmhouse when he noticed a cherry red F350 King Ranch edition pull up the driveway. Without even looking he knew who the driver was. There was only one person in Smallville that drove a truck that expensive around here.

"Clarkie," the petite blond shouted as she stepped down from the truck.

"Lana, how long has it been?" Clark wondered as he stood before his old high school girlfriend. "What are you doing here?"

"Mother called me and told me about your dad. I'm so sorry to hear about his heart attack. Is there anything I can do?" Lana asked as she approached with a few containers of food in hand. Despite how they had ended things years ago, it did feel good to see a familiar face. "I'm sure you are hungry. I bet you haven't had a decent meal in days. I remember what your appetite used to be like. I made you an apple pie. I bet a cup of coffee would be great with it. Does Martha still keep the coffee cups in the second cupboard from the right of the sink?"

"Lana, I have a lot of work to do," Clark told her his hands waved around the farm. He didn't have time to entertain especially his ex-girlfriend. He remembered how intense she could be, and he just wasn't in the mood for it. All he wanted was to concentrate on what was really important – saving the farm.

"You have to eat, Clark," she said when she took his arm and led the way to the house. "I won't take no for an answer."

Clark wondered what he saw in her back in high school. Lana Lang was intense, bossy, and high maintenance. Nothing like the woman he loved back in Metropolis. What was he thinking back then? Yet when it came to Lana, he could never tell her 'No', she had a way about her.

He had broken up with Lana before he left for college. He was not ready for a long-term commitment after high school. Lana, on the other hand, tried to force the issue, many times, even at one point trying to hook Clark up with a job with her father's company. Clark needed to see the world; he couldn't stay in one place very long. His powers were also starting to come into full power during high school, he didn't want to hurt anyone or cause others to think he was any different. He ran away from Smallville, but Lana had tried to keep him here.

Lana perched herself on the edge of the bar stool, handing Clark a slice of pie which he seemed to be staring at like it was going to grow eyes and bite him. "You have to eat!" She repeated. "I can cook, you know."

"I know, but I've got a lot of things I need to be doing right now." He said, pushing the plate away.

"So the sooner you eat, the sooner they get done." She pushed the plate back toward him. She couldn't help but smile. It was just like old times. Clark had disappeared after graduation to see the world. She'd tried every trick in the book to get him to stay but he'd been insistent on needing to 'find himself' and 'discover what was out there'. They'd broken up and she'd dated around, but she'd always held out hope he'd return.

Upon hearing of his father's heart attack she couldn't help but think it was fate bringing Clark Kent back into her life.

"So how long will you be staying?"

"As long as I need to," Clark stated flatly. Not giving her much of a response.

She inched closer to him, leaning toward where he was sitting. He pulled away, scooting his chair away from her. She frowned but persevered. Clark never did know what was good for him. She'd been the one to call the shots in their relationship. She'd been the one to ask him out. She'd been the one to kiss him. He never was very good at taking initiative…

"That's great, we can continue where we left off," Lana commented as her hand patted his knee, "before you left for college."

"Lana, there's something you need to know," Clark stammered removing her hand from his knee. He stood up, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Whatever happened in Metropolis doesn't matter. You are back and we can be together now," Lana announced as she stood up and hugged Clark. She felt him stiffen in her arms but she didn't care. He was back where he belonged, with her.

This was a mistake. Being here with Lana… it was trouble. He knew it. She kept trying to move closer to him and he moved away. He really didn't want to get into an argument with her about Lois—or talk about Lois with Lana. It was none of her business but she had a way of inserting herself into everyone's business whether they wanted her there or not.

"So how long will you be staying?" She leaned toward him and he moved his stool over.

"As long as I need to." He said flatly. He didn't have time for this.

"That's great, we can continue where we left off," Lana put her hand patted his knee, and he stiffened, "before you left for college."

'She's out of her mind.' He thought to himself as he stood up, pulling away from her, "Lana, there's something you need to know."

Before he could get Lois' name out Lana cut him off, standing and turning to him, "Whatever happened in Metropolis doesn't matter. You are back and we can be together now," Before he could argue any further she wrapped her arms around his neck in a fierce hug.

He couldn't believe what had happened. She had hugged him. Clark stood there in shock. It felt wrong; he didn't feel that spark like he did when he had Lois in his arms. All he wanted to do was fly back to Lois where he belonged. He was needed here. He took in a deep breath sighed and peeled Lana's arms off of him.

"Lana, there is no 'together.'" He corrected. "I am not here to…my dad is in the hospital. I have a life back in Metropolis –a girlfriend that I love very much—and plan on returning to when this is all over."

'I hope.' He thought to himself, hoping Lana didn't notice the doubt he himself felt about the last part of that sentence.

"Oh." Lana pasted on a smile. "Well, I guess I'll see you around." She grabbed her things and left. He let out a long breath, looking out the kitchen window at the bright sun that continued to stretch its rays over the crops. He needed to get to work—but first—he needed to call Lois back.

He picked up the phone and dialed the number he knew by heart. "Hi you've reached Lois Lane. I can't get to the phone right now. Just leave a message at the beep. Clark, if this is you—I miss you. "

He couldn't help but smile at that, "Hi, it's me." He began, uncertain of how to explain everything that had transpired over the last few days. "I miss you too." He was silent for a moment then added, "I love you, Lois,"

He hung up the phone then headed back out into the heat to tend to the tractor that needed some repairs. It had been sputtering earlier. Hopefully he could make do with it for now.

The older woman sat in the same chair she had been in the past four days. The sterile white room felt cold no matter how many blankets the nurses gave her. She looked at her husband of thirty-three years, how pale and fragile he was attached to the wires. The beeping from the machines had almost a calming effect on Martha. As long as the beeping stayed the same she knew her husband was okay.

It had been a very long thirty-three years together. From the moment they were told they couldn't have children, it had broken her heart. Many men would have left after receiving news like that. After all, it wasn't him that was the problem. She was the one incapable of getting pregnant. She was the one with the 'hostile uterus' as the doctors had told her years ago. He could have left and found a woman that wasn't broken—someone that could give him the gift of fatherhood like she couldn't—but he didn't.

She wanted to raise a child with Jonathan, she knew what a wonderful father he would be. The moment they found Clark in Shuster's Field Martha knew they had to find a way to keep him. It was their chance to have a child—their only chance. They'd been turned down by adoption agencies for financial instability.

Jonathan had never really been that sick before, not enough to be in the hospital. He'd had issues with his blood pressure and cholesterol over the years but never anything like this. He was so frail and it made her ache deep within her soul.

"You are going to be fine, sweetheart," she whispered as she held his hand. "You'll see. We're going to go on that trip to London like we talked about. Clark is home. He is working nonstop on the farm. He took a leave from the Planet. You should see him, Jonathan," Martha explained as she patted her husband's hand. "He's even doing his other job when he can. I'm not even sure he is sleeping." The last statement was said more in concern than reassurance. She was worried about both of the men in her life. How much could her own heart take?

Lois sat at the small table in the airport food court, drinking her third cup of coffee. She could hear the announcements over the PA system. Her plane would be boarding in thirty minutes hopefully. She was nervous and excited at the same time. It felt like Clark was avoiding her; running away –again. Every time life threw something at them that he couldn't control he did this. Lying about his feelings for her because he was afraid of her rejection. Pushing her away from him after Mayson's death because he felt guilty. Then when she finally did know the truth –more recently, his attempt to protect her by breaking up with her. All instances of him pulling away from her out of fear. Now he was doing it again—from another state.

She was going to do everything in her power to make Clark see that they were worth fighting for. He needed her. She needed him. She just had to make him see that. Even if it meant spending the next month in Smallville. She had no idea what to do when it came to taking care of a farm but she'd figure it out soon enough. It couldn't be that hard. The important thing was seeing Clark –helping him and Martha through this. She may ruin a few pairs of shoes in the process but she'd do it if it meant spending time with the man she loved.

She had been hurt when she realized he had come home and not waken her. How could he be so selfish? Yes, that's it – selfish. He was being selfish. All he was doing was digging his head in the sand so he didn't have to deal with what he was doing to her—to their relationship. He always acted like he had the world on top of his shoulders and he didn't. She had to make him see that – he couldn't save everyone no matter who it was.

She had never felt this way about anyone before. She wasn't going to lose him because he was being a lunkhead. A selfish lunkhead. A selfish lunkhead that needed her right now. She would not lose her temper on him. She would not argue about their relationship. That wasn't the point of the visit. The point was to help him. Then after his dad was okay and everything had settled she was going to unleash Mad Dog Lane on him for ever thinking he could avoid her by ignoring her phone calls like he had been doing. What he was doing was selfish, yes. She could understand he was hurting, but what seemed to have escaped his forethought was the fact that what he was doing was hurting her —hurting them. There were two of them in this relationship – not just one.


	4. Chapter 4

If You Only Knew

Part 4

* * *

Clark hung up the phone in the kitchen, letting out a long breath. Another voicemail. He'd been trying Lois all last night and all this morning, and he still hadn't gotten her on the phone. Part of him wanted to fly back to Metropolis and make sure she was all right. The other part of him - the part that was terrified of Lois' reaction to how he'd been ignoring her the last few days thought it best not to make that trip until he was sure of what he'd say.

At least on the phone, he wouldn't have to see the hurt in her eyes. He hated seeing her in pain, knowing he'd put that pain there only made it worse. Right now, he felt he was pushing the limits for even himself. He'd hardly slept the last few days, determined to do anything and everything to help fix the issues he'd discovered on the farm.

Broken machinery.

Rotten roofs.

Dead crops.

There was so much his parents hadn't told him. Missing Lois seemed to be the least of his worries right now.

* * *

Lana Lang drove down the familiar country road toward the Kent farm. Seeing Clark again had been wonderful. After all these years, seeing him again made all those old feelings come rushing back. She couldn't even recall why they'd broken up in the first place. In high school, he seemed determined to leave Smallville. Why, she wasn't sure.

Travel.

Exploration.

Discovery.

She recalled one of her and Clark's last fights before he'd left Smallville. He wanted to see the world. He wanted to experience what it was like outside the safe borders of their hometown and live among different cultures. Work among people he hadn't known all his life.

The idea made her cringe inside. Sleeping on the dirt and eating God-knows-what in a third-world-country. Why would anyone subject themselves to that? Her parents had a chef that cooked foods from every culture. She could experience the world from her dining room without the inconvenience of having to talk to someone from a dirt poor country.

Over the years, she'd dated around but never found anyone that had caught her eye the way Clark had. The men her mother had tried to set her up with through the years hadn't challenged her the way Clark did. She knew in her heart that they were meant to be. It seemed fate agreed. Why else would Clark be brought back to her after all this time?

Yes, Clark had mentioned a girlfriend, but given that this girlfriend was nowhere in sight to help Clark through this difficult time spoke volumes about that relationship. She knew she wouldn't have let Clark return to Smallville alone to deal with the farm and his father's health issues alone.

His girlfriend obviously had better things to do in Metropolis than take care of Clark. Well, she would make sure she showed him how a girlfriend should be treating him. If his girlfriend couldn't make him a priority, Lana would. Yes, they were meant to be together. He would see that. It might take some time, but she could be patient. He was after all, here in Smallville for an undetermined amount of time.

Lana parked her expensive cherry red, fully-loaded F350 near the farmhouse by the old tree she and Clark used to climb as kids. She smiled to herself, seeing her reflection through the tinted black windows. She pursed her lips, reapplying the rosy red lipstick before giving her hair a final fluff.

"Where could Clark be?" she wondered aloud, turning toward the barn.

A long moo could be heard from the Irig farm next door. She turned to see Wayne Irig's cow staring at her with his nose flared, showing his teeth. That cow always gave her the creeps. "What do you want?" She muttered to herself, stalking toward the gate with a bounce in her step.

Before she knew what had happened, she slid face first into the gate that was right behind where she'd parked her truck. She didn't scream. She didn't dare move her lips. Manure. She'd just slipped face first into manure….and from the look on the Irig's cow...it had to be hers.

'Don't panic. Don't panic. You can fix this.' she told herself, standing to her feet.

She looked around, making sure no one had seen her land face first into the steaming pile of cow manure. Thankfully there were no witnesses to her embarrassment. She would live to see another day. One thing about Smallville she hated was how fast rumors got spread when she wasn't doing the spreading.

'Get cleaned up. I'm sure Mrs. Kent wouldn't mind me using her…' A smile spread across her face as a plan began to form. It was perfect. She recalled the numerous times she'd tried and failed to seduce the youthful Clark Kent over the years. He'd never been willing to cross that line with her. She couldn't understand it at the time. So many guys would have jumped at the chance to be with her, yet Clark Kent refused to budge on the issue.

'That was then,' she reminded herself. He had traveled the world….experienced things all across the globe. Surely he had outgrown his shyness. She reached for the handle on the screen door, pressing the button as she pulled it open.

Yes, fate was definitely on her side.

* * *

Kansas.

It was always hot.

Extremely hot and sweaty. The air was dry. The ground was dry. Everything was so...dry compared to Metropolis.

She could feel the sweat beads rolling down her lower back as she pulled up the familiar winding driveway. Jonathan's truck was still parked by the shed. Tools were scattered around next to what she assumed used to be the Kent's tractor. It looked like Clark had been trying to fix the motor….and wasn't having any luck.

"Well, I've never worked on a diesel engine, but I'm sure it can't be that different." She muttered to herself as she turned the rental truck off. After her first trip to Smallville, she'd learned a thing or two about which vehicles to rent and what to wear on these trips. Her usual attire of business suits were left back in Metropolis. She opted for a pair of comfortable jeans and a lightweight top.

She walked toward the tractor and grimaced when she saw a handprint welded into the side. He only did that when he was angry or frustrated. The entire time she'd known him, she'd only seen him lose control a handful of times. Each time there had been special circumstances. Though the current situation was extenuating as well, this time there was no bad guy to stop. No super-villain to put behind bars. You couldn't take a heart attack and put it in prison for hurting those you cared about. You couldn't arrest it.

"Oh, Clark," She sighed, looking back toward the spied a bright red truck on the other side of the driveway. It didn't look like something Clark or his parents would typically drive.

It was bigger than anything they would need on the farm.

It was well-maintained and accented with extras she knew neither Jonathan nor Martha could afford. She certainly couldn't picture Clark renting something like that either.

She moved her hand to her forehead to block out the sun, grabbing her suitcase and carrying it with her into the farmhouse.

* * *

Standing at the entrance of the old red barn that had been standing for almost hundred years he could hear the young calf inside whine once again. He knew how it felt to miss the one you loved the most. The calf's mother had been sold last week, and now the calf was not eating.

"Come on young fella, you have to eat," Clark said as he tried to bring the bottle to the young calf once more, but he turned his head away in protest. "I know you miss your momma."

He had left another message for Lois at her apartment. He had not heard back from any of the messages he'd left. He wasn't sure if she was busy with a story and couldn't talk or if she was biding her time and punishing him for not returning either of her calls from when he'd first arrived.

Either way, it was torture not hearing her voice. At least when she'd been calling, he'd had the reassurance that she was okay. He still wasn't sure if he should fly back to Metropolis to check on her or not. What he did know, was when he did hear from her he was going to have to endure her wrath for what he'd put her through the past few days. Just a few hours of not hearing from her seemed like torture to him, giving him a sense of what he'd put Lois through.

"I messed up, little guy," Clark told the calf. "I love her so much, and I keep messing it up. I don't know what to do or how to fix it. Everything is so out of control. The farm is one bad harvest away from bankruptcy. Dad's in the hospital and who knows if he'll ever be back at a hundred percent. Let alone be able to work the farm the way he used to. Why didn't he tell me? Why did he let things get so bad?"

He sighed in relief when he saw the baby calf begin to take the milk. "I really wish Lois would at least call. Let me know she's okay. I'm really starting to get worried."

* * *

Lois entered the farmhouse with her suitcase in hand. She felt the eerie quiet throughout the house. Every other visit to Smallville, the Kents' farmhouse had greeted her with warmth and love. Jonathan was always working on something on the farm. Martha had her art and her cooking. The farmhouse was always filled with warm smiles and laughter. The deafening silence and emptiness hit her like a wave. She could only imagine how hard it must have been for Clark when he'd first arrived.

'If only he'd let me come with him. I could have helped.' she thought to herself. 'Even if it was just helping clean or run errands. I could have done something.'

When she entered the kitchen, she found herself missing the familiar aromas of Martha's cooking. In its place were the citrus smell of cleaners and bleach. She spotted the clean dishes in the drying rack, and the pile of mail on the blue and white counter top. Lois glanced over the three stacks. One looked to be junk mail. The other appeared to be bills. The last stack was stamped with 'final notice' on the outside of the envelopes.

"Clark, what is going on?" she asked herself realizing his parents were in debt. The late notices pile sat higher than the other two. Maybe there was something she could do to help. She'd set aside the award money from her Kerths and built up quite a nest egg. It was just sitting there. She wouldn't miss it. Maybe she could help dig the Kents out of the financial hole they'd dug themselves in.

Lois looked around the kitchen in dismay. Her heart heavy with emotion as she began to process everything. She was tired. She was drained. She didn't see Clark anywhere inside the farmhouse. Maybe a nap would help with the jet lag. She needed to unpack and freshen up before she saw Clark too. It had been a long flight and even longer drive from the airport.

She headed towards the narrow hallway leading to Clark's bedroom, still feeling the eerie sense of emptiness in the Kent home. It amazed her how things could change in just a moment. Jonathan and Martha brought so much love, and warmth into their home, welcoming everyone they knew. It made her heart ache to know how much they'd been struggling in private.

Clark's bedroom hadn't changed much since the last time she had been there. The full-size bed was neatly made with the midnight blue and white plaid comforter and matching sheets. The bed looked like it had not been slept in, but it looked like Clark had at least been in the room. One of his t-shirts laid crumpled up on the floor next to the laundry basket. She picked up the dirty shirt and held it to her chest as if she was holding him close. She could still smell his familiar scent on the shirt and it made her miss him even more.

"Oh, Clark, where are you?" Lois stated as her heart ached for Clark, his parents, and the mess of everything that had caused his dad's heart attack.

Lois held his shirt to her chest as she climbed into his bed, inhaling the familiar scent of her missing boyfriend as she laid back on the soft mattress. One by one tears began to fall down her cheeks as her anxiety and grief from the last few days finally became too much for her.

* * *

"Unbelievable!" Lana scrubbed the last of the manure off her arms as she patted her arms off with a hand towel. She'd washed up for the most part, but she still needed to shower. There was no way she wanted to see Clark still smelling like cow manure. She looked around the familiar kitchen she had been in so many times as a teenager. She couldn't fathom why Clark did not want to stay in Smallville. It had expanded since he first moved away with more businesses, another elementary school, and the high school had expanded to a new building. The Smallville News had even expanded with several more sections. Lana was sure if Clark decided to stay in Smallville that he could become Editor at the Smallville Press instead of being paired with Lois Lane at the Daily Planet.

What was so wrong with Smallville anyway? It was where he had grown up. His parents lived here, the farm that had been part of the family for generations. It was the stuff of legends. Not many families could tell their children or grandchildren of how they were the original settlers of Smallville, but the Kents could. Why would Clark not want to be part of that?

Lana walked through the house, finding Martha Kent still kept her towels in the linen closet outside the guest bathroom. The more some things in her life changed one thing she could always count on was the consistency of the Kents. She walked into the bathroom, stripping down, tossing the manure infested clothes in the hamper. She'd get to those later.

She looked at her reflection in the mirror, seeing the brown smear stains on her cheek from where she'd unsuccessfully attempted to remove the manure off of her. Lana snorted to herself, "Stupid cow probably did it on purpose." Still, she couldn't help but smile at her reflection as she admired her figure in the mirror.

Imagine Clark Kent's reaction if he'd walked in on her right now. What would he have said? More importantly, what would he have done? True, he was a man of honor. Her failed attempts to seduce him in their teenage years wore heavily on her heart. She never could understand why he never wanted to take their relationship to the next level. But that was then. He'd more than likely grown out of his shyness.

He claimed to love this 'girlfriend' of his, but she didn't see her anywhere. Clark was after all still a man with needs. Maybe after her shower, she could make herself more comfortable in Clark's room and wait for him. Afterall, with his girlfriend out of town, he'd need someone to help him through all of this. His girlfriend certainly didn't care enough to come to Smallville with him so it would be her own fault if Clark were to let his guard down and finally allow himself to be comforted through all of this. He was, after all, a man. No man could resist the charm of Lana Lang.

* * *

Lois heard the sound of water running in the old farmhouse. She figured Clark had finally come inside and was washing the dirt and sweat off from the work he'd been doing on the looked around the room, suddenly self-conscious. How would he react to her being there? Would he be mad? Happy? Relieved?

She looked down at herself, seeing the cotton shirt and jeans she was wearing. While it was something practical to wear on the drive over here, she wasn't sure if it was what she wanted to be wearing when she saw Clark.

Lois paced around the room nervously, looking from the closet to the bedroom. How would Clark react? She really hadn't thought any of this through. She moved to the closet and fingered the soft material of his cotton Smallville U jersey.

* * *

Lana finished drying herself off in front of the bathroom mirror, examining herself in the mirror as she wrapped the towel around herself. She frowned as she rummaged through the cabinet beneath the sink, looking for a hairdryer. Didn't Martha Kent know keeping beauty products in the guest bathroom was considered common courtesy?

"Ah-ha!" she exclaimed, finally pulling out an old unused hair dryer from the back of the cabinet. It wasn't the brand or style she was used to, but it would do for now. She quickly dried her hair and combed through her long locks with her fingers, teasing the hair strands as she dried it to keep the volume and bounce she was used to. After she was done, she returned the hair dryer to its home beneath the sink then turned to look herself over in the mirror.

She'd always prided herself on the curves she'd been blessed with. Afterall, it was with this body that she'd been named Corn Pageant Queen six years in a row, and landed some promising opportunities in modeling in her earlier years. Yes, she prided herself on her body. She knew no man had been able to resist it when she'd offered it to them. No man that is, except for Clark Kent.

'Well, that's about to change.' she thought to herself, tightening the towel around herself.

She was going to give Clark the biggest surprise of his life when he came into his bedroom and found Lana Lang in his bed.

* * *

Lois took a deep breath, looking herself over in the shorts and jersey she'd changed into. She saw the doorknob turn and felt her heart hammering in her chest as she propped herself on the edge of Clark's bed.

"Who are you?" Lana asked as she noticed the dark-haired woman laying on Clark's bed.

Lois looked up in shock to see a blonde haired woman in nothing but a very small towel that just barely covered everything.

Lois stood to her feet, crossing her arms over her chest, "I believed I'm the one that should be asking you that." Lois did her best to hide any wavering in her voice as she confronted the woman.

"You must be Lois Lane," Lana stated not moving away from the doorway or covering herself up. "I've heard Martha and Masie mention you a couple of times."

"Well, then I guess you have the advantage." Lois narrowed her eyes at the blonde as she took another step inside Clark's room. "Because I have no idea who you are."

"Clark hasn't mentioned me?" the woman asked in an innocent tone before adding with a suggestive tone. "I'm not surprised. When we're together, we don't do much talking."

"Somehow I find that hard to believe." Lois tightened her arms over her chest. "He's in a committed relationship. He would never do anything like that to someone he loves."

"Clarkie is loyal," the woman said with a frown, "but when those old feelings come rushing back, it's hard to control them."

"Old feelings?" Lois repeated in disbelief with a snort.

"We used to date," she said with a smug grin, "in high school."

"And obviously it didn't leave enough of an impression if Clark never mentioned you in the three years that I've known him," Lois shot back narrowing her eyebrows at the mysterious woman.

She knew what this woman was trying to do and it wasn't going to work. She may not have talked to him in the last three days, but she knew he'd never cheat on her. She knew he'd never let some blonde vixen with obvious fake body parts come between them. She knew Clark.

"Well, Clarkie does take a long time to warm up to people," the woman said with a knowing smile.

Lois couldn't help but laugh at that, "Now I know you're lying. Who do you think you are?" She took a step toward the woman, and she backed away, frightened. "First of all, Clark would never cheat on me. Ever! Especially not with the likes of you! Second of all, I know for a fact you don't know anything about Clark Kent because if you did you would know he's the friendliest guy you'll ever meet. He makes it his job to get to know everyone in his life. Third, whoever you are, get your naked behind out of my boyfriend's room and out of this house before I throw you out!"

"Whoever I am?" the woman echoed. "The name is Lana Lang." She said in between gritted teeth. "Clarkie knew I was coming, how about you?"

"That's none of your business." Lois spat bitterly, not allowing her inner doubts to seep through. She couldn't afford to let this Lana Lang feel like she'd won any points with her digs at her. It was obvious she was trying to start trouble by ruffling her feathers and making her doubt her relationship with Clark. She wouldn't give her the satisfaction.

"I'm just happy that he is finally back home where he belongs. His dad's heart attack was a blessing in a way - it bought him back home to me." Lana finished with a smug grin.

That was the final straw. She could insinuate all she wanted and make innuendos all she wanted. She could insult Lois and Clark and the entire city of Metropolis for all she cared. What Lois wouldn't tolerate was her celebrating the Kents' grief. Jonathan was fighting for his life. Martha was worried sick. She knew Clark had to be a wreck.

Anger flared in her eyes, "How dare you?!" Lois shouted, grabbing her arm and forcing her out the door. "Get out!"

"Let go of me!" Lana screamed as Lois pushed Lana out of the bedroom. Lana reached up to grab Lois' brunette hair, "You little...Let go of me!"

Lois reached for a chunk of Lana's hair, fisting it as she yanked at it, causing Lana to cry out in pain.

* * *

Clark finished tightening the last screw on the old shed, sealing the tin roof with heat vision to ensure it wouldn't come loose again. The animals were fed, the fields were plowed. All that was left to do was clean-up and then head to Metropolis. He needed to do his patrol over the city and make sure his alter-ego's presence was noticed to keep the criminal element at bay. He also needed to see Lois. The longer he went without talking to her…

"Get out!"

Clark's super-hearing picked up a familiar feminine voice coming from the farmhouse.

'It couldn't be.' he thought to himself.

Another familiar voice echoed, "Let go of me!"

'Oh, no…'

At super-speed, he raced inside the farmhouse, not even stopping to put his tools up.

Within seconds Clark was in the hallway outside his bedroom. Lois Lane had Lana pinned down by her wrists with one hand and a fist full of her hair in another. "If I ever see your…."

He felt his ears burn red when he heard the language coming out of his girlfriend's mouth. Both women were barely wearing any clothing, and yet all he could concentrate on was the name-calling and the cat-fighting they were doing.

Lana freed her wrist and reached up to scratch Lois on the face, "You little tramp! Just wait till I get my hands on you!" she screeched.

"You got a lot of room to talk you little bi..." Lois hissed angrily, lifting her fist to strike Lana back.

"Lois!" Clark grabbed Lois by the waist, pulling her off of Lana, "That's enough!"

Lana wore a smug grin as she stood, readjusting her towel as she stood to her feet.

"Both of you," Clark added, glaring at Lana before turning his attention back to Lois who was still fighting to get free and get a swing at Lana. "Stop! Lois…. Lois, stop. Stop." She finally stopped swinging and he took a deep breath, willing his anger at the juvenile behavior from both of them to go down. "Now, what is going on here?"

* * *

TBC…


	5. Chapter 5

If You Only Knew

Part 5

The sound of the clock in the bedroom ticking away was beginning to grate on his nerves. The piercing stare Lois was giving him from the bed was agitating him. He knew she was angry. He could hear her heart pounding. He turned to look out the window catching the sight of Lana's pickup truck parked near the gate that separated the Irig and Kent farm. _'That's why I didn't know she was here.'_ he thought to himself.

"So? You're gonna ignore me here too?" Lois' voice reached his consciousness and he groaned inwardly trying to regain control of his emotions. On one hand he was thrilled to see her. He'd missed her like crazy since he'd been in Smallville, but finding her fighting with Lana agitated him. With everything else going on with the farm, his dad's health and the finances with his parents the last thing he needed was try and negotiate peace between the two women. What Lana had been doing half-naked in his bedroom he didn't know and he really didn't care at this point. He'd ordered her to get dressed and leave, but it seemed she was taking her sweet time in doing so.

"I'm not ignoring you, Lois," Clark replied as he turned towards her. "I didn't expect you to come to Smallville."

"Did you expect me to wait in Metropolis forever for you? You showed up in the middle of the night and pretended I wasn't even there," Lois reminded him as she placed her hand on his shoulder. "Then I show up and there is a strange woman clad only in a towel."

Clark looked at her with tenderness in his eyes. He didn't invite Lana over, he had told her before he had a girlfriend.

"I told Lana -" Clark began.

"This isn't about her. This is about us. Clark, you didn't call. You didn't even wake me up that night you came home," Lois stammered the anger seeping through her voice as she turned away. "What is going on?"

"Lois, I called last night and this morning at least three times," Clark admitted. "You must have already left for the airport. I'm sorry, but I have had other things on my mind."

"Like your parents' finances?" Lois asked as she turned back to her boyfriend. "I can help, if you let me. I have enough money saved from my Kerth ..."

"No," he said abruptly. It wasn't about the money, it wasn't about her being here. It was the pain he felt that he wasn't fast enough, good enough to save everyone especially those he loved most. "This isn't about money, Lois. _You_ can't fix this. _I_ can't fix this. _No one_ can fix this. I have work to do in the barn," he told her before leaving.

Clark was ecstatic to have Lois in Smallville. When he felt the familiar sound of her heart beating earlier, his heart skipped a beat until he realized she wasn't alone. Now he wasn't sure what to do with her here. He knew he should be relieved that she came here to help him. He knew he should be overjoyed that she was offering to help him and his parents. He was, yet at the same time it reminded him of how he kept falling short. He was Superman and there was still so much that was out of his control. Overwhelmed with the emotions threatening to overtake him, he stormed out of the bedroom.

He was angry.

Angry with Lana for showing up unannounced.

Angry with Lois for fighting with Lana.

Angry at his dad for not telling him how bad things really were.

Angry at this mother for hiding how bad their finances really were.

Angry at himself for not seeing what was going on.

Lois jumped off the bed and followed Clark. She heard the sound of heels on the hardwood floor in the living room and sighed in relief. ' _The sooner she leaves the better.'_ Truth be told she did feel a little bad about how Clark had found her fighting with Lana. That wasn't exactly how she'd imagined their reunion going, but the things that woman had said…

The front door closed and she heard Lana pleading with Clark, "If you change your mind you know where to find me."

"Lana, just go," she heard Clark yell from outside.

Curious, Lois stepped out onto the front porch. Clark was walking back toward the barn, not even looking back. Lana was standing at the end of the driveway looking at him with a perturbed expression on her face.

"Buh-bye now." Lois gave an exaggerated wave as she watched Lana Lang stalk up the hill toward the cherry red F350 she'd seen parked there earlier when she'd arrived. Lois wore a smug grin as she watched the young blonde climb into her truck covered in the now damp, formerly manure infested clothing she'd arrived in.

Lana threw her a glare but didn't say anything. Lois watched as she dropped something into the grass by the driver's side of the door with a smile.

' _Oh, no you don't,'_ Lois thought to herself, running up the hill. She picked up the red pocketbook Lana had dropped on purpose, tapping on her window with a irritated grin, "Lose something?"

Lana studied her, seeming to contemplate her next move. A soft moo from the fence caught Lois' attention. The Irig's cow didn't seem too keen on their current neighbor. Lana lowered her window and took it from Lois with a jerk. "Don't come back without calling." Lois warned.

"Whatever." Lana rolled her eyes, jerking the truck into gear with a hard push. The tires spun and Lois watched her attempt to speed away and catching herself in one of the many potholes on the farm.

Lois laughed, turning back to the Irig's cow, petting it on the head, "What's wrong? You don't like that little hussy either?" A loud shriek and door slamming could be heard from where Lana was currently stuck in the soft mud on the side of the Kents' driveway. The cow let out a low moo and Lois sighed, "I guess we're going to have to help her out in order to get her off this farm and away from Clark, huh?" The cow grunted. "I'm going. I'm going," Lana shouted.

"What am I going to do with those two?" Clark grumbled, the calf, giving him a look as he entered the barn. He went to bale some hay, trying to focus on anything but the confrontation from earlier.. The calf let out a short moo and his facial expression softened as he looked up at him. A memory flashed through his mind as he recalled the first time he'd helped his dad bale hay. He'd had an audience back then too.

 _/"Remember to keep a good grip or…."_

" _Oh!" He fell down on the dirt floor, looking up at the calf that had grabbed the pitch fork from his hands. "He did that on purpose!" He accused to his dad._

 _His dad let out a chuckle, "He's still learning and growing. Just like you."/_

Clark put his hand on the calf's head and scruffed the little bit of hair on the top. He took in a deep breath, left the calf, and started baling the hay at super-speed. Overcome with emotion, he moved through the barn like lightning, thankful for something to help push away the memories and pain that enveloped him. He had to work off some his aggression. He had to keep moving. He had to keep busy. If he stopped then he'd be left alone with his thoughts and that was not something he was ready to do. He wasn't ready to deal with the pent up frustration he had at his current predicament. He wasn't ready to deal with his anger at his parents. He wasn't ready to deal with his anger at Lana or Lois or even himself. All he wanted to do was disappear into the business of keeping the farm running. It was the one thing he _could_ do to help. He couldn't save his father from his heart attack but he _could_ do this.

He came to a stop, staring at the mountain of bales of hay in front of him. He let out a heavy breath, uncertain where to divert his attention next. He had to keep moving. Momentarily he thought about leaving to do a patrol around Metropolis but quickly squashed that idea. With Lana lurking around that was just asking for trouble.

To this day, Lois Lane was the only person he'd felt comfortable in sharing that secret with. That should have been his first clue when he and Lana had been seeing one another. He was too blind back then...desperate for normalcy even though he wasn't normal. Lana was never someone he could have imagined sharing his life with or his secret with. He thought back to his teen years, recalling the tantrums she'd thrown at him for everything from helping a friend to what college he wanted to go to. He could only imagine what her reaction would have been if she'd discovered Clark Kent was in reality a strange visitor from another planet.

Lois had been different. She had accepted all parts of him blindly without even realizing he and Superman were the same person. She didn't care about labels or what others were doing. She cared about what was right and fighting for those that couldn't fight for themselves. It was one of the many things that had made him fall head over heels in love with her from the start.

He stepped outside the barn, taking a deep breath as he took in the sun and spotted the tow truck with Lana's cherry red F350 on the back of it with a large chunk of mud hanging on the back tires. He chuckled, watching Lana climb into the front of the tow truck. He overheard her barking orders at Glenn, "Don't you think this changes anything!"

"Yeah, yeah," He heard Glenn say as he cranked the truck up and began to pull out. "Only call when you need somethin, eh, doll?"

"I'm not the one that called!" Lana spat angrily.

Clark chuckled, turning his attention back to the farmhouse where Lois stood on the front porch.

Their eyes met for a moment. He wanted to go to her. He wanted to talk to her but at the same time he just couldn't bring himself to move. Her gaze fell and then she turned away and walked back inside.

Martha felt lost as she stood in front of the coffee machine for the millionth time. She had spent many hours in the hospital the past few days with the smell of disinfectant, stale coffee, and beeping heart monitors all around her.

Jonathan's surgery had gone off without a hitch, he was resting peacefully in the recovery room. The doctor had told her it would be awhile before he woke up, yet she wanted nothing more to be next to her husband. When the doctor had told Martha the good news about the surgery she had released the breath she had been holding and sighed. She heard the reassurance of his voice and the unbidden hot, salty tears trailed down her cheeks.. So here she was in the surgical waiting room as the cold liquid hit her taste buds and she grimaced at the brown liquid that was being passed off as coffee.

The past few days with Jonathan in critical condition had been very exhausting even on Martha. She had sat next to him every moment she could listening to the hospital equipment beep and hum that she swore she heard them in her sleep. The nurses had told Martha to go home several times to get some rest, but she just couldn't leave Jonathan. After she had convinced the nurses she wouldn't leave her husband, they had put a cot in his room for her and that is where she had slept. The old hospital was nothing like home, but a home was nothing without Jonathan.

Now that the surgery had occurred she felt a little bit at ease, but still worried about her husband. As she stood in the small surgical waiting room with two other families in it she began to watch them. One of the families was a young Latino family with a little girl who looked to be about four-years-old and a boy around the age of two; the mother held the boy as the little girl colored and the father talked to the doctor. Martha wondered who the family was waiting for until she caught a few words in Spanish that it was the children's grandmother who had suffered a heart attack just like her Jonathan. Unlike Jonathan, the grandmother wasn't going to make it through the night. The father of these young children would lose his mother; his children would lose their grandmother. Martha's heart ached for the young children who would likely not remember their grandmother.

Martha walked out of the waiting room trying to escape the confines of the confusion she felt. The heartache, the smell of death, and the gratitude that her husband was alive. Martha had felt many things the past few days, but gratitude had not been one of those things. Now as she felt pity for the young family and those little ones; she wondered if one day, her and Jonathan would be there to witness their own grandchildren be born. She walked down the halls aimlessly trying to figure out what to do next. She couldn't sit in the waiting room drinking stale coffee drinking stale coffee watching more families hear bad news. It occurred to her that Clark needed to know about his father. Even though, Clark hadn't asked about Jonathan when she had found the payphone, she dialed the farm.

When she didn't receive an answer she left a message on the answering machine. Martha figured Clark was outside working or doing some of his Superman duties.

When she thought about it she had not heard about any Superman sightings the past couple of days. In Smallville, it was unheard of to hear about Superman most days unless it was something worldwide. Yet as parents' of the Man of Steel, Jonathan and Martha had kept track of his sightings by subscribing to the Daily Planet even when they lived in a different state. Superman wasn't out patrolling like usual; which meant his dad's heart attack was eating at him more than he let on.

Martha needed to talk to her son or someone who could get through him. She knew a young lady who could help Clark see the light, who loved her son just as much as she did. Lois Lane was that woman.

Lois paced back and forth in the dining room not sure what to do. She wanted to talk to Clark, yet she knew he didn't want to talk to her.

She was hurt.

Frustrated.

She needed to do something. Frustrated with Clark for hurting her, for not talking to her, for shutting her out.

He had so much on his mind, she knew that, but he was not communicating with her. How were they supposed to be in a committed relationship if they didn't communicate? It seemed like he was something once again like a few months ago before they took that next step in their relationship.

She needed to do something to help. Suddenly it came to her; the broken tractor outside didn't need fixing - it needed to be replaced. It had to be decades old. If Clark wouldn't let her help pay the outstanding bills then she would buy a new tractor as a gift to his parents.

After she made a few phone calls around the tractor supply companies in Smallville she finally found a tractor similar to the one that was outside near the barn. A new tractor would benefit the Kents' bring the farm even a little bit then it might aid in the financial strain. With the tractor ordered and set to be delivered in a couple of days, Lois felt at ease.

Lana's truck had been towed away, finally, so Lois knew it was time for Lois to find out about Jonathan and Martha. Since Clark wouldn't tell Lois how Jonathan was doing; Lois would go to the hospital and find out for herself. She figured Martha wouldn't mind the company.

Lois pulled into the visitor parking lot of Smallville Memorial Hospital. When she left the Kent Farm she could hear Clark working on the broken tractor. She knew he could be out saving lives instead he was working on a broken tractor. Right now Clark was being as stubborn as the darn tractor. Lois was hoping that if she talked to Martha she could figure out how to talk some sense into Clark.

She walked up to the information desk where an older gray haired lady sat.

"May, I help you," the lady asked barely looking up at Lois.

"Yes, I'm here to see my father-in-law," Lois lied as she knew full well that she would not be able to receive the information without being related to the patient.

"Patient's name," she responded as she looked up at Lois.

"Jonathan Kent," Lois stated hoping that she would not be found out since the Kent's were so well-known in Smallville.

"Miss Lane, everyone knows who you are.. You don't have to lie to see Mr. Kent. We know that Clark is your partner at the Daily Planet and that the two of you have been dating for a few months. Well, sorry, some of us do," the older lady explained in a hushed tone. "I live down the road from them. He is in Room 204."

"Thank you," Lois replied flabbergasted on how everyone knew everyone in this small town. She could go around Metropolis without anyone knowing her business yet in Smallville within three hours she realized the tow truck company knew about her fight with Lana, the tractor supply company knew the Kents' tractor had been broken for years, and that most of Smallville knew she had been dating Clark.

Lois walked down the hallway of the hospital with the pictures of the Chairmen's of the Board on the walls. Every hospital was the same even though the pictures hanging, the plants, and the chairs were different. This hospital was just in a smaller town and needed a much needed remodel.

As Lois walked through the hallway looking for Room 204 she didn't see the other woman walking around the corner. Lois fell to the ground and if it was any other time she would be angry but right now she was just embarrassed.

"I'm so- Lois," Martha stated as she reached down for Lois' hand. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to see you, Martha. He needs our help," Lois pleaded with Martha as she stood up. She didn't mean to drop the news on Clark's mom like this especially with what was going on her husband. Lois needed to do anything possible to get through to Clark even if it meant going to his mother.

"Let's go see Jonathan first, then we can about Clark and his other profession and why he is spending all his time working on a tractor that doesn't work," Martha explained as she put her hand Lois' shoulder.

Both women walked down the hallway together side by side. They knew together that one way or another both of their men would get better with them by their side.


End file.
